***
I love the beginning
Where its all fresh and new
Everything tastes,
So damn good…
Like it was that very first time,
Allow me to rewind…
To love,
Is a lot of everything
And it is a lot of nothing, all the same…
It changes like the seasons,
And it is inconvenient as hell…
Yet, we search, we seek, we strive,
Just to have it,
To know it,
We want it just the same…
Wild,
Reckless,
Abandon…
What are we doing?
Then comes the fall,
And the atmosphere starts to change…
You know the world is getting,
Ready… For the dead of winter to arrive,
And just as predicted and unavoidable as it truly is,
It comes…
Just as it did last year…
And the year before that…
And that…
Winter.
It has come upon us,
Again, just as we knew it would…
We predict it, we can feel it in our bones,
It is chilling,
Down,
Down to the core…
Everything looks exactly how it feels,
Dead…
Dead,
Just the same as we…
Have felt all along this,
Period of our own life…
Paused, (as I have written before)
Only this, this is,
Something else altogether…
There is no word to describe…
It is when the love has died…
It is far, far deeper
Then just a ‘life that is paused’,
By the dead of winter…
No, no…
It is not the same,
Not at all…
Witness
Me
… in this very moment,
If you care to,
If you are even brave enough…
To look,
To observe,
To bare, yourself, a witness…
Only,
A choice of this magnitude,
Renders with it, itself…
An unimaginably high level of,
A few, admirable, human things…
Five, maybe six,
As I sit here in desperation,
Separation, isolation, meditation…
Who am I really?
I am NOT who I was,
I don’t even know…
What to say,
Or what to do…
No,
I don’t even know,
Where I am supposed to go…
I am not myself,
I am not even me…
Was I ever even here?
Do I even bleed?
I am nothing,
Just like you,
We are all the same…
Born of just a
Tiny seed,
And yes,
Yes, I say indeed…
Both you and I,
Know what it is like…
To be real,
And to watch each other…
Bleed.
***
J. LeFever
ღ
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